I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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