At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
