i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
