the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
