I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
