didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
