She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
