tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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