dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
