There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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