oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
