It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
