Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
