omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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