I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
