who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize