he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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