so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
