you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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