Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
