I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize