Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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