why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
