I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize