Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
