Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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