Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
