Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
