so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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