If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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