I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize