Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
