I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
