i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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