We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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