So drunk its hurt
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
