I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were destined to go to rehab together
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
