you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
