I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
