did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
