Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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