Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
