you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
