just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
