...so i touched it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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