so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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