so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
