Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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