if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
