i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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