Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize