I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
