When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
someone owes me an orgasm
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize