im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
