R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had sex on a roof
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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