I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
