I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
