So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
