I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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