Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
