I CAN MOONWALK!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
