Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
