WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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