I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
