I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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