Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
