; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
