I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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