Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
NoShamevember. You game?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
