just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize