"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
