right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
