just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
