having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
