First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
