I can text with my tongue
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
